144. The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid
you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
145. You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance
in your front yard.
146. Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer
an' lookit this afore I flush it."
147. Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
148. You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath
it has turned yellow.
149. You mow your lawn and find a car.
150. You can spit without opening your mouth.
151. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night
involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
152. You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister,
and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
153. You are still holding on to Confederate money
because you think the South will rise again.
154. You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
155. You can amuse yourself for more than an hour
with a fly swatter.
156. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
157. You participate in the "who can spit tobacco
the farthest contest."
158. You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it
once a year.
159. You've never paid for a haircut.
160. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair
of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
161. There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a
gun rack hanging in your truck.
162. You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were
163. You've ever made change in the offering plate.
164. The fifth grade is referred to as "your
165. You consider a good tan to be the back of of
your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
166. You own at least 20 baseball hats.
167. You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a
168. You know of at least six different ways to bend
the bill of a baseball hat.
169. You can change the oil in your truck without
ducking your head.
170. When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas
171. Your screen door has no screen.
172. Your biggest ambition in live is to "git
that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah
173. Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos
174. Your grandfather completely executes the "pull
my finger" trick at the family reunion.
175. When you leave your house, you are followed by
federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms,
and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
176. You have a house that's mobile and five cars
177. You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
178. Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you
drive him around in.
179. You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
180. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
181. You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
182. You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
183. You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
184. You've been to a funeral and there were more
pick-ups than cars.
185. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson,
or Elvis over your fireplace.
186. You just bought an 8-track player to put in your
187. There are four or more cars up on blocks in the
188. It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn
than mow it.
189. You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and
Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
190. You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket
of paint to defend your sister's honor.
191. Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer
red and primer gray.
192. The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just
193. Your momma calls you over to help, cause she
has a flat tire...on her house.
194. The ASPCA raids your kitchen.
195. You have to check in the bottom of your shoe
for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
196. You can't get married to your sweetheart because
there is a law against it.
197. You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe
198. Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
199. You've been on TV more than 5 times describing
the sound of a tornado.
200. You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch
201. When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.
202. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist
attraction in your home town.
203. Getting a package from your post office requires
a full tank of gas in the truck.
204. Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to
see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
205. You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
206. You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly
Parton singing "I Will Always Love You."
207. You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering
them a gourmet item.
208. Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than
the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)
209. The most serious loss from the earthquake was
your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a
redneck too if he pays you for it).
210. You have spent more on your pickup truck than
on your education.
211. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
212. You can tell your age by the number of rings
in the bathtub.
213. Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze
into sporting events.
214. Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for
215. Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
216. Your classes at school were cancelled because
the path to the restroom was flooded.
217. During your senior year you and your mother had
218. You're a lite beer drinker, because you start
drinking when it gets light.
219. On your first date you had to ask your Dad to
borrow the keys to the tractor.
220. Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up,
221. You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by
going deer hunting.
222. In tough situations you ask yourself, "What
would Curly do?"
223. Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the
224. You think the last words to the Star Spangled
Banner are "Play Ball..."
225. You have a color coordinating rope that ties
down your car hood.
226. You bring your dog to work with you.
227. Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper
228. You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
229. You have every episode of "Hee Haw"
230. Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone
than your grandfather.
231. Your masseuse uses lard.
232. Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
233. You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
234. On stag night, you take a real deer.
235. You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
236. Your back porch is bigger than your house.
237. There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
238. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
239. A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than
your cowboy hat.
240. An expired license plate means another decoration
for your living room wall.
241. You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's
242. You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating
243. Your secret family recipe is illegal.
244. Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
245. Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden
hose in the front yard.
246. Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
247. Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo
248. You think people that send out graduation announcements
249. Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
250. Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as
251. You think cur is a breed of dog.
252. People hear your car long before they see it.
253. Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
254. Your satellite dish payment delays buying school
clothes for the kids.
255. Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the
256. Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
257. Your birth announcement included the word "rug
>258. You've ever hitchhiked naked.
259. You're turned on by a woman who can field dress
260. You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new
261. Your bumper sticker says, "My other car
is a combine."
262. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare
263. The highlight of your parties is when you flip
out your false teeth.
264. Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her
265. Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
266. There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending
against your dog.
267. You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
268. The hood and one door are a different color from
the rest of your car.
269. You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf
270. You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking
271. Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his
272. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
273. You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
274. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your
place of business.
275. You list your parole officer as a reference.
276. There are more fish on your wall than pictures.
277. Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you
278. There are more dishes in your sink than in your
279. You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in
280. You've ever stood in line to get your picture
taken with a freak of nature.
281. Your anniversary present was getting the septic
282. Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
283. You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
284. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
285. You think you are an entrepreneur because of
the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
286. You're still scalping tickets after the concert